


Before I close my eyes

by DemolitionLover



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:59:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemolitionLover/pseuds/DemolitionLover
Summary: (Infinity War Spoilers)"Now I lay me down to sleep,I pray, dear Lord, my soul to keep;And if I die before I wake,I pray, Dear Lord, my soul He'll take."She remembers everything; From their first meeting, to the day he asked her to marry him. She remembers their first kiss, and she remembers their last. She remembers the good and the bad; the days of stolen kisses and running from reality...the days of confession and healing.She wonders how different her life would be if he was still by her side, but she soon learns that pondering on such do her no favors.So instead she remembers a time when he was.





	Before I close my eyes

 

There was a pounding in her head as she slowly regained her sight. Black splotches lingered in the corners of her perception, taking their time to fade. 

As she laid sprawled across the grass, her body aching tremendously, one thought was stained across her mind;  _Vision_.  _Her_ Vision _._ Ringing was the only way she could have described the noise that seemed to fog her mind, and dull her senses. Slowly, she picked up her head, gingerly rising to her knees as she tried to bring herself to stand. Her trembling hands gripped the dirt and grass beneath her, her world was in slow motion. With her whole body trembling, she slowly looked to where the titan once stood. Her eyes lingered, her gaze refocusing to see a body devoid of color.  _Vision._ Heart beating fast, she stood immediately, only to fall back on her knees as her legs trembled too much to support her.

She crawled to him in a frenzy. _Vision - oh my god, Vision_. Panic spread through Wanda like a wild fire, blazing every inch of her with worry and horror. She couldn't bring herself to touch him. The gaping, _horrifying_ , hole in his head made Wanda sick. She didn't want to look at him, but she couldn't tear her wide eyes away.  _Vizh.._. _oh my God...Vizh, I'm so sorry._

He lied on his side, as if he was sleeping. As if it were another night that they shared together. As if it were another night where he would lazily turn over and press a kiss to her cheek. As if it were another night that she'd hold onto him tightly, and confess to him her dreams of a better life together. As if it were another night of comfort, a night of stolen kisses and lingering gazes. As if it was any situation better than the one it was.

Wanda could feel the buildup of a scream in her throat, her mouth agape, the only noise that surpassed her was a strangled sob. Carefully, slowly, she brought her hand to rest on his shoulder. He felt different. He felt _dead_. His chest no longer bringing the rise and fall with each breath, and body no longer filled with the warmth that encased him. Slowly, her eyes scanned across his body - it wasn't _her_ Vision. Everything about him was gone; replaced. His crimson skin, once vibrant and filled with warmth and life; now a putrefying grey. The stone that sat protected and voluminous in his head...gone, a gaping hole taking it's place - almost as if it were mocking her. His eyes, the eyes that gave her such loving looks - the eyes that held so much complexity; She looked to them. She had always adored the complexity of his eyes, and the depth that they held. They were the most beautiful shade of blue, with patterns and screws that would change when he would squint or look at something bright. The eyes that used to hold so much love in each and every one of his gazes; Glossed over completely by a disgustingly dull grey; just as his body. She tried searching for something, _anything_ , that belonged to _her_ Vision, but she was found with nothing but the cruel, and gut wrenching reality, that everything about _her_ Vision was gone.

Wanda's eyes lingered back to where she had placed her hand. With deep and slow breaths she tried to ground herself. Her eyes trailed slowly from Vision's shoulder to down his arm, her gaze catching as she saw the gleam of the gold band wrapped around his finger. The band that was identical to her's.   

And for some reason, _that_ was what pushed her off the edge. 

Tears sprung in her eyes immediately, a violent scream surpassed her lips as her body continued to quiver. She was going to be sick. Her head was spinning, and with each breath she could feel the possibility of fainting getting higher and higher. Her head fell to where her hands were placed on Vision's shoulder. A wave of nausea washed through her as she tried to calm herself, but to no avail. She wanted mercy. She _craved_ it.

She knew she was being selfish, she knew that people- _The Avengers_ \- needed her. But she didn't care. Everything she loved had been taken from her. Her parents, her brother, her home, her lover; and all for what? What benefits could she possibly reap from all this death, from all this sacrifice? She wanted to join them... _desperately_. She heard something behind her, and Wanda could see it play out perfectly in her head; a stray outrider - one of Thanos' creatures - closing in on her. Taking slow steps, back hunched, eyes squinting and glaring at it's prey; ready to attack. The noise continued to grow, and Wanda knew by now that they were definitely footsteps - heavy footsteps that dragged across the dead leaves that were littered across the ground. She could see the creature perfectly in her mind - jaw clenched, with claws eager to be put to use. The noise became clearer with every passing second. She hoped that her death would be quick, that it would be over with before she could comprehend the attack. She wouldn't defend herself - she knew she wouldn't. She wanted to be released.  _Please_...

 

"Wanda?"

 

She didn't respond, partly due to the feeling of disappointment that had washed over her, but mostly because her head was pounding so hard she thought it might burst. Her surroundings were blending together due to the tears welled up in her eyes, and the throbbing in her head made her feel like the world was put into slow motion. It was like she was trudging through a dream - it didn't feel _real_. She could barely contain herself as her body was raked with sobs as the sound of footsteps continued to grow. "Wanda..." He said again, rather a statement this time than question. Something else was spoken, something that Wanda couldn't quite make out, which was followed by a response that she couldn't properly hear. 

He was practically hovering over her now. "Wanda," Steve said, so softly she could barely hear him over the ringing in her ears. He sank to his knees slowly, gingerly placing his hand on her shoulder. "Wanda, please" he said, voice filled with pity. In all honestly, Steve didn't even know what he was pleading for. Of course, He wanted her to get up, to move away from Vision's body so she could have her wounds, (if she even had any, Steve couldn't properly tell) be taken care of, but he didn't know why he felt the urge so intensely. Steve wanted to feel like he had _somewhat_ of a plan to step in the next direction, but he didn't. Steve wanted to feel like there was at least _one_ thing that he had in control, even if it was just helping Wanda to stand...but he felt that he didn't even have that. Wanda couldn't bring herself to lift her head to meet him. She tried to speak, but all that came from her was a stifled squeak of a sob. She could hear Nat saying something behind her, but couldn't focus enough to understand - it sounded like a mess.

Steve rubbed her shoulder softly, in an attempt to comfort the poor girl. Steve's eyes too, widened with dread when he saw what was left of the synthetic man. Natasha took hesitant steps toward them, slowly making her way to the opposite side of where Steve crouched beside Wanda. Slowly, She placed her hand delicately on Wanda's other shoulder, mimicking Steve's position. Natasha was careful to draw out each movement in the hopes that easing in with Wanda would help her feel less overwhelmed. 

"Shhhhh," She said in a low voice, "Breathe, Wanda, just breathe.." she continued, rubbing small circles into the young girl's back with her fingertips.

Wanda's sobs began to fizzle out gradually. "shhhhh," Natasha repeated, "breathe."

Steve looked to Natasha, only to find the same horrified expression on her face as he had before. Though her voice remained steady and calm, the look on her face betrayed the confidence of her speech. Natasha could barely tear her eyes away from her friend that lay dead before them.

"I-" Wanda choked out "I c-can't do this without..." an exasperated intake of air interjecting her speech "... _him_ "

Steve's eyebrows knit together at this, looking over to Natasha at the same time she looked over to him, her biting her lip hard to steady herself. Nobody knew what to do.

 

 

Eventually, they were able to pull Wanda away from Vision's body, and into a dimly lit room that had no furniture except for a bed tucked in the corner. Natasha was the one to take her there. Her hand on Wanda's back as she lead her to the room, ushering her to sit on the bed as she closed the blinds to all the windows, dimming the room's light even further. Wanda, as it seemed, was on autopilot. Her legs had carried her to her room, but the moment she sat on her bed, her gaze fell to the floor, where it stayed. No matter what Natasha said or did, she wouldn't get an answer from the young girl. Natasha didn't want to leave her. She had hoped that her presence was at least somewhat comforting to Wanda, even if speaking to her wasn't. So Natasha sat by the girl's side, neither of them speaking a word but both wanting to say so much. Eventually, a knock erupted from the door, it was Steve, who need to have an 'important talk' with Natasha. Though she was unresponsive to it, Natasha assured Wanda that she would come back, her hand stroking the girl's shoulder for a few brief moments as she offered a sad smile. "Please try and get some rest." Steve said to her just before closing the door behind him.

Wanda's eyes were fixated on the floor. The moment she heard the door close with a _click_ , she forced her eyes shut, feeling the ache in her throat grow, and the burn of tears prick the back of her eyes. Her hands that sat lazily on her lap were now in fists, clutching the ring that once belonged to her beloved Vision. Uncurling her hand slowly, she twirled the ring loosely between her fingers, bringing it to her lips.  _Oh Vision,_ _I'm so sorry, my love..._

 

 

" _Vizh_!" She giggled with happiness as he tightened his grip around her waist and brought her against him. A smile split across his face upon hearing her laughter; one of his favorite sounds in the world. They had just barely closed to door to their hotel room and Vision was eager for her touch. Bringing his lips down to hers, she melted into his touch, her smile never faltering.

"I missed you so much." he said, pulling away from her rather abruptly, face lingering next to hers as he cupped her cheek softly.

 

"I missed you too, Vizh." She replied, giggles lingering on her lips "I'm so glad you're here." Vision beamed at her, his gaze filled with so much love Wanda couldn't help but smile at him. 

 

"Me too."

 

That was not too long after they had started meeting in secret, Wanda recalled. The memory had popped into her mind randomly, but regardless, she was comforted by it.  _How did that day start?_  She asked herself, when suddenly, everything came back to her.

 

Paris. She and Vision had talked about Paris for a long time. Since before she became a fugitive, before the accords, before Rumlow and the incident in Nigeria. When they were simply _friends._ It was during a game of chess that Vision brought it up for the first time. It was during this time that things started to get increasingly flirty with one another, and Wanda was starting to re-evaluate her feelings towards her closest friend. "Have you ever been to Paris, Wanda?" he asked, not looking up from the board where one of his bishops had just been taken out (she was getting very good at the game after spending so many evenings playing it with him). Wanda's eyes met his. "Nope." she said casually, "why do you ask?"  Vision had hoped this would be her answer, as he wanted to propose to take her there someday (though he would never admit it at the time) - knowing full well that Wanda (just as well as him) was a romantic, and very much fancied the idea. "No reason...I've just heard that it's lovely this time of year." he stated simply - chickening out with his original response. The corner of Wanda's mouth rose to a slight smirk. "Well," she said, smirk never faltering, "I guess we'll just have to find out ourselves then."

Neither of them realized that they would get to do so under _these_ circumstances. 

Vision would come see her every two weeks, and occasionally, if they were lucky, every week and a half. Wanda had to jump around a lot, only staying in one spot for a couple of weeks at a time. She hated it at first, but not too long afterwards, Vision had found her, and she had something to look forward to again. Two weeks prior, while still in Switzerland, she booked her-  _their_ hotel in Paris. Nat devised against it. She said there'd be too many tourists, therefore a greater risk of being found out - not to mention the prices were much higher, and it wasn't like Wanda's resources were unlimited. In typical Wanda fashion, though, she decided to do what _she_ wanted, all while scrounging up as much extra money she could, and vowing to be extra careful when out in public. Excitement bubbled in her chest as she got the email confirmation that her- _their_ room had been booked. Wanda was overjoyed to tell Vision where they would meet next.

She was only there for one night before Vision got to join her, and she was _very_ happy about that. Because that meant that they would get to explore and experience everything _together_ , just as they had planned. So when she caught his gaze in the airport, they both hurried to one another, enveloping each other in a tight hug that brought her so much happiness she couldn't help but giggle. They opted for an airport that was farther away, aiming for one that was inconspicuous - one that had less tourists. This meant that the drive back to their hotel would be longer, but while planning all this out the two of them decided that they hadn't cared, it would be worth it if it meant less exposure to a large crowd. However, once they got into their cab and on the road, the two of them realized just how long the drive really was; and they were getting antsy. Longing for his touch again, Wanda scooted to the middle seat and re-buckled herself, leaning into Vision's side as he placed his hand in her's.

She sighed softly, placing her head on his shoulder. She looked to their intertwined hands, he stroked the back of her hand softly with his thumb. The sight brought a smile to Wanda's face - a true, _genuine_ smile. She was so happy to be with him, she felt so lucky that she _could_ be with him. Through all of her struggles, he had always been right by her side, comforting her, protecting her, and supporting her. And once she became a fugitive, that hadn't changed. It was in this moment, eyes locked on their joined hands, that she realized how lucky she was. Eyes rising, she tilted her head to look up at him - only to find that he already had his eyes on her. His gaze filled with so much love and warmth it made Wanda's gaze soften. Though their faces were already close, they wanted to be closer. Slowly, Vision tilted her head more towards her's; faces so close they could feel one another's breath. Leaning in slowly, she could feel the outline of his lips nearly grazing her's.

"How was your flight?" The cab driver interjected. They both froze dead in their tracks. It was just a friendly attempt at conversation, at the _worst_ possible time. Vision pursed his lips while closing his eyes in an annoyed expression. While completely disappointed herself, Wanda couldn't help but smile at her expression. She wondered if he interrupted them intentionally, if he saw them in the rear view mirror and thought - _not in my cab, you don't!_   

"It was fine." Vision replied flatly, pulling back from what would have been a romantic moment. There was an awkward moment of silence before the cabbie finally announced, "So, Le Bristol, huh? Must be a special occasion!"

Vision looked to the woman curled against his side, a smirk forming in the corner of his mouth. "Well of course!" he said enthusiastically, "anytime this woman is by my side it's a special occasion."

Normally she would roll her eyes at a remark like this - Vision was always one to flatter her, and while she was touched, she never knew how to respond. This time, however, giddy with happiness, Wanda couldn't help but giggle at him, her cheeks tinged pink and a toothy grin plastered on her face. She couldn't believe how much she loved this man. Ahead of her, she heard the cabbie chuckle softly, and say something along the lines of, ' _ah, kids these days...'_

The moment the door of their room was closed, Vision locked it immediately, and grabbed Wanda by the waist.

Things started to pick up the pace quickly. Though their cabbie was nice, (and may have completely sabotaged a moment they were having) the car ride was excruciating, the two of them wanting nothing more than having the privacy of closed doors where they could do whatever they wanted; and now, they finally did. Wanda gripped the back of his neck, holding onto him securely. He had one hand resting on her lower back, and one cupping her cheek. Pulling her even closer to him, he pressed his lips against her's again, harder and less friendly this time. His hand on her cheek gradually made it's way down her face and onto her neck, fingers tracing her exposed collarbone. She shivered under his touch. ' _mmph_ ' She mumbled against his lips, and she could feel his smirk. She grabbed a fistful of his hair, tightly - but not to a point that brought him pain; an action that drove him wild. He reacted to it immediately, shoulders tensing and his grip on her tightening. Curving her hand from his waist, she brought her hand to rest on his lower back, trailing her fingertips up and down ever so gently. He shivered under her touch. His lips parted against her's gently as he deepened the kiss. Wanda felt like she was melting into him, and while she loved that he needed her touch as much as she need his, it was starting to feel a bit overwhelming.  ' _mmph_ ' she said again, placing a hand on his cheek and pulling away abruptly.

"Maybe let's...take it a little slower?" 

Vision nodded, eyes adverting her's as the two of them both caught their breaths and slowly retracted their hands from one another. Oh course neither of them had _really_ wanted to stop, though Wanda didn't wanna rush into things too quickly, they had all week, after all. An awkward silence was found between them as neither of them knew what to do or say. It didn't last long, however, as a certain realization struck Wanda. "Oh! I wanted to show you!" Wanda's face erupted with a smile, grabbing his hand and yanking him over to the window. Pulling back the curtains she revealed their view of the Eiffel Tower - which in all honesty was mediocre at best, but was _perfect_ in Wanda's eyes. Vision was captivated over how happy this made her. Though the scenery was breathtaking, he couldn't keep his eyes off of the woman who stood next to him, completely unknowing that he wasn't looking to the view. "Just wait 'til you see it at night, it's even more beautiful then."     

It wasn't longer after that Vision found the collection of teas that the hotel provided in the cupboards. During this time the sun began to set, providing a beautiful orange hue to cast over the sky; one of Wanda's favorite views. To get a better view, she opened the sliding glass door that lead to the balcony; that was adorned with a sleek black sun table and two matching chairs. She walked to the rail, leaned against it and admired her view. "That's not safe, you know.." Vision said softly, walking out to the balcony to join her, two mugs of steaming hot Chai in his hands. Standing with her against the rail, she took one mug from his hand, "I know." she said simply, just before bringing the tea to her lips. She smiled as he draped his arm around her. The scene was peaceful - simple, but peaceful all the same, and she wished that things would always be this way. They spent the rest of that day in bed. Talking, laughing, and occasionally kissing. Wanda curled into his side, propping her head up with her elbow and lied her other hand on his chest. Stroking her cheek softly, he reached for her hand that rested on his chest with his free hand, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. After a moment of stillness, he brought her hand to his lips, and kissed her knuckles. Wanda giggled softly, she had been doing that a lot today, and Vision had certainly noticed.

"Are you happy, my love?"

_my love._ Wanda recalled that this is the first time that they had spoken about love. While they had shown each other nothing but it with their actions, and both had certainly had thoughts of love for one another, the words 'I love you' had not been uttered yet. Wanda knew that she loved him; she just hadn't said so. No, - that wouldn't be until about a month later.

Wanda's heart fluttered. "Of course I am, I'm _always_ happy when I'm with you."

Vision gleamed with happiness as she slowly lowered her head to plant a kiss on his lips. 

 

"Wanda?" Nat's voice called from outside her door, pulling Wanda from her daze. Natasha let herself in, relieved to see Wanda actually looking in her direction rather than the floor. Wanda's eyes were glossy and eyelids heavy, she blinked slowly at the woman who stood before her. "You need to get some rest." Nat said in a low voice. Wanda tried to bring herself to nod, but all that came was a slight shake - still, Natasha understood. Wanda scooted backwards on her bed, noticing for the first time that her shoes were off - she didn't remember taking them off. Her eyes lingered on her shoe-less feet for a moment trying to recall when they were taken off, but she soon realized that she didn't actually care. Wanda pulled the thin blanket over her legs but found herself too weak and jittery to pull the blanket far enough to reach above her stomach. Nat yanked the blanket for her immediately after seeing her trouble.

Rather abruptly, Natasha left the room mumbling ' _this won't do'_ or something along the lines. Unknowing the implication of her words, Wanda gradually lowered herself onto the mattress, which was surprisingly comfortable - either that, or her body was so sore and tired that it was grateful for any surface to lie on that wasn't the floor. Wanda could feel herself melting into the bed, sleep was eager to take over her. Turning to her side she gripped the ring in her hand to her chest, a fear arose in her that it would fall out of her hand as she slept, and it would get lost in the sheets. She held onto it tightly as she searched the room with her eyes for any place she might be able to keep it. There was no furniture, no cabinets or closets or even a bedside table, she couldn't lose it, she just _couldn't_ , and the more she thought about it the more worked up she became. Unable to come up with a suitable place for it, Wanda figured the best place might just be on her own finger. 

Natasha entered the room again, this time with a much thicker blanket folded underneath her arms. Nat placed the blanket over her delicately, to which Wanda was beyond grateful for the extra comfort. Just as she was turning to leave, Wanda called out to her.

"Nat" she mumbled, voice low and mildly hoarse. 

Natasha turned in an instant, eyebrows raised slightly. Hand jittery, she brought her hand clutched against her chest away from her and outstretched it. Wanda held the ring out in the palm of her hand, offering it to the woman who stood before her, a desperate look painted across her face. "I can't..lose it.."

Wanda's voice was weak and strained, and the desperation in her voice filled Natasha with pity. "please.." she whimpered, eyes turning glossy. Stepping closer towards her, Natasha brought her hand over to Wanda's and grasped the ring gingerly "don't worry, I won't let anything happen to it."

A sigh of relief escaped Wanda's lips as she finally allowed herself to relax, her outstretched hand dropping to the mattress with a soft thud. A soft "thank you.." was uttered by the girl, though she wanted to say so much more. Natasha didn't respond, the crushing feeling in her throat stopped her from doing so. Swallowing hard, Natasha turned, leaving quickly. After closing the door as quietly as possible, one hand holding the ring that was now under her protection, she opened her palm slowly, examining the beautiful gold band that lay in it.

She stroked the rim of the ring with her finger. She thought it was just another one of Wanda's rings when she first saw it in the girl's palm - regardless if it was or not, Natasha still would have kept it safe for her, but as she got a closer look at the ring, she immediately noticed that it was bigger than her normal rings, and once Wanda dropped her hand, Natasha saw the gleam of a gold band on her finger that was completely identical to the one that was now in her hand.

And that's when Natasha realized that Wanda was keeping _way_ more secrets from her than she originally thought, because it wasn't just one of Wanda's rings that she wanted to keep safe; It was _Vision's_.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was such a roller coaster. It was originally much longer, but ao3 decided that it wanted me to start from scratch, so it didn't save any of my progress :')) Anyways, after about a month of being in my drafts this is FINALLY going up, and I really hope that you enjoy it! More chapters are coming, and I can basically guarantee that they're gonna be better than this one, so please be sure to stick around for those!


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